myself as a devoured fawn

I am not feeling well. And I have the best tactics for not dealing of anyone I know. I only know a few people. I don't know anybody. Who am I? such basic qualms, never ending. Laughable. The trying starts now, so I ran away. Stream of consciousness puke. Gets me nowhere. Safer bet than actual attempts. Back to square one. It's not all that bad. I am a fawn in the meadow is all, cowering in fear. Try and catch me. Shaky legs never stop buckling. You win. I am devoured. Well, the death is not so bad, its the digestion that I can't stomach. Never ending.

Myself as an egg, unaware...

Frayed edges supporting the traverse between two points elevated above a fall

Intellectualization, if dull and vacant of any emotive response, shatters the perceived world of what I consider important contemplation and exercise. Intellectualization, if beyond my ability to truly comprehend, if over my head and far beyond what I am 'smart' enough to understand, makes me feel inferior to the world I strive to consider. included in this convoluted nothing is a visualization of this schema (see attachment).

feelings are dangerous. And I do not understand. I am a boy stuck between the hard place of misguided desire for intellect and a stunted youth without a voice for my feelings.

Abstract List of Interesting Things:

Historical Mythologies
Contemporary Mythologies
Interconnected-ness of temporal existence as related to history, society, life, death, love, hate, you, me, them, us
Heidegger's Broken Hammer
Or The World Revealed
Natural phenomenon
Aurora Borealis
Social Phenomenon
Groupthink
Historical Phenomenon
Repetitive Nation States
Foucault-dian histories of thought
Moral ambiguity
Ethical ambiguity
individual ambiguity
Aesthetically narrow minded awareness
Blindness
Deafness
Paralysis
Fear
Fear of death
Being split open
Execution
The Wrongly Accused
Guilty walking free
Ouroboros
Hiroshima
The Extended Mind
Expanded Consciousness
Lobotomy
Nietzsche
Syphilis
Melville
Anonymity
Dostoevsky
Depression
Ecclesiastes
David and Goliath
Daniel in the Lions Den
Jonah in the Whale
Walking on Water
Belief
Miracles
Doubt
Hubris

Altogether Now

clap you hands. Forthrightness is lost on me. Hieroglyphics here. I wanna bathe in you. and you and you and you. Highly exercised are these neural pathways I suppose. Or LARGE this cultural leviathan? Both? More? Can we handle it? Not as we are? Accept the inevitable? These are truly the last days? Tuck your head between your knees, try to put it in your mouth. Paradoxical is this notion of not caring, needing to, needing others to. How will we survive? Please don't leave me behind. I have a beautiful neck.